The importance of becoming with themselves I wish to close this 2010, which for me has been really wonderful in all respects, a reflection that I hope makes you think all the people who follow me and comment my videos.
In recent months I often received comments rather tedious, to eliminate the waste of time on my body and change that I had during this year. Yesterday then, only for having shown a bare shoulder, I have received at least twenty.
So I would like to tell my story and to share my experience. Because I believe that the understanding and the clarity is the foundation of everything, and I know that people among you love me (and there are many, and therefore do not really know how to thank you) will appreciate a lot. People who do not stand me but certainly will not stop not stand me, but I think I understand his shoulders broad enough not to blame for the amenities who write to me and especially that do not affect me at all.
I have always been a girl, the past is a must now a woman, very thin and lean with the fortune / misfortune to have inherited from a maternal aunts neckline generous enough on a body with narrow hips. Since a teenager I really struggled to accept all this "full" because I was ashamed I walked a lot and always hump (in fact I have excellent posture) and I put things very large to hide. I began to appreciate this feature after 20 when I finally managed to overcome the trauma of Poppea: SPQR at a time when there was on TV so I have renamed ... and some still Today when I meet on the street still calls me to joke like that!
Up to 23-24 years has always been so, just as you see me now and then something happened. Have been engaged for many years with a guy (actually a man but looks like a guy) a lot bigger than me and I loved him more than anything else in the world, something visceral and intense. I was fine with him, we understood the flight was a really wonderful relationship and I wanted to spend my life with him. Then love has been "sold out" and left me. The day of our anniversary. That day I went into the water fully clothed in full in February to see if I was still alive or if I was dead. For me the end of that story represents the end of my "first life". From that day except for a blackout of about one and a half, where I do not remember anything of what I did. So I went to work, I know that I spent a long time to eat (I got 8kg at the time) and I know that I was often sitting on the table looking out the window and smoking. Every time I happen to remember something, like a flash, and to discover that maybe they are already in place during that period. This summer, passing in front of Cala Regina I remembered having slept on the beach in my car because I could not bear to sleep in a bed that was a bit 'too her.
Then slowly began a difficult ascent. Always accompanied by an inordinate need for food. It's not that I opened my fridge or stuffs himself with anti binge at night. Simply spending time to cook for distraction, and cook things ipercondite and calorie. Or I was having breakfast with tons of butter on the bread and then ate a couple (of course the Sardinian - unknown number from 4 to 20) of snacks and then a nice breakfast at the bar before going to work. The result was a nice +25 kg in about a year.
Translated in simple terms: I suffered from depression. E 'depression is worse than any disease. Why do you worn in, you take away the and above all you want to live off the only thing you "yourself". I also suffered from panic attacks. And I brought you a nice autoimmune disease. Luckily I always had the brain active enough and I got help: it is the only way out, believe me. You do not need stuffing of drugs, simply find a good / or psychotherapy to help you better understand the situation and yourself.
After two years of this "break" I met my husband. And he really has changed my life. And he did not do anything special, he did just because it was the right person for me and why I was really filled our lives with love and beauty. He found all of my empty and filled them because loving me has taught me to love me. This is the best gift I could do and for which I can only be thankful and grateful to him. He believed in me and in my work around me when he did not believe anyone, he did somersaults to lend me the money I needed to redo the kits job that I had stolen (during an airplane trip! I arrived and among the luggage was not there) even though he had so willingly, he gave me his car to work turning for months because my bus was to be changed and no longer walk, he always made me feel beautiful with or without flab. Psychotherapy was the medicine to resume energy to go back, he was the "ball apnea" I took it and I brought it back to the surface and made me breathe again.
course despite this picture "idyllic" We're a couple a bit 'dog and cat: we fight very often, we keep our faces, we take the "transplanting" as all the couples in the world and we have had our times crisis ... But when you love and you engage it (nearly) everything:)
Although I was happy and finally themselves well, there were still 25 pounds heavier and I knew it was the right time: a month after my marriage after seeing the pictures when I was very much in I am not overweight now are "recognized." I asked my husband in tears and my best friend "But I'm so?" and they in all honesty I have said yes. After 4 years my eyes have seen for me as I really was: another person who is not in any way resembled the person I was. I realized that this cocoon of flesh "I was no good, even to protect myself from the" world "and that I was finally strong enough to return to balance and fall into my" real body ".
On 11 February last year I went to a very good nutritionist who taught me how to eat properly again and got me back to my weight ever. I am continuing ad andarci per fare il mantenimento e per avere consigli e chiarimenti ed è davvero disponibile e gentilissimo. Ha capito come "funzionavo" ( ho un caratterino niente male :( ) e mi ha accontentata davvero in tutto, sopratutto sulla dieta totalmente vegetariana ( non avrei mai potuto fare una dieta con carne e pesce)!
Ora finalmente mi riconosco quando mi guardo allo specchio e riesco ad affrontare la vita con serenità e positività, e mi sento forte, fortissima! Ho riscoperto il gusto delle cose ed il loro sapore, perchè prima trangugiavo tutto come una specie di idrovora e non assaporavo nulla, mentre ora tutto quello che mangio è davvero buonissimo... anche la pizza o i ravioli hanno un altro sapore, meno scontato e davvero favoloso.
Allora mi chiedo se è possibile che solo perchè ho avuto un periodo "rotondo" le persone debbano pensare che io "sono sempre stata rotonda" e che ora "sono magra"? Soprattutto è possibile che questo accada nonostante l'abbia detto e stradetto e straripetuto? Come mai non posso semplicemente avere la fortuna di avere una costituzione esile e devo per forza essere burrosa? A me le persone burrose piacciono tantissimo, ma non quando lo sono perchè sono " un po' su di peso", mi piacciono quando lo sono naturalmente perchè hanno una struttura morbida e fianchi larghi ( prendete Scarlett Johansson quanto è bella!!!). Ognuno deve accept her body and its constitution so as it is, obviously trying to improve without exaggerating or become "plastic", with no strength to be something that is not. I'd love to have more rounds of the hips, but I was born with a small basin, narrow and I have to accept it .... I'd also like to have your face because I did not three-dimensional instead of two-dimensional and contour cheekbones are flat, but if they are so and so there 'a reason .... I wish I had less breast, I would like to have a smaller nose, less dark circles, freckles more ... but I stopped because I do with a frown you learn to love me as I am with my strengths and my faults.
I hope that this "small" write-off of life may be useful to you all, and to know me a little 'is better to say to those people who are in the same situation where I was I that depression and the consequent forget oneself is not a disease impossible to put down because there is always within us the strength to leave and if we do we can do to help:)
And as my mother used to say of a dear friend " The sun is always there, just hidden by the clouds. " (And we blown the move!)